


Companions and Eventualities 3 -- First Night

by Viola_Laterra



Series: Companions and Eventualities [3]
Category: Enderal (Video Game)
Genre: During Canon, Extended Scene, F/M, Gen, M/M, Other, Polyamorous Character, Resolved Sexual Tension, Spoilers for both companion quest arcs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:54:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25007260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viola_Laterra/pseuds/Viola_Laterra
Summary: On the Starling ship, the Prophet gets a chance to check in with Calia -- and finally manages to talk openly with Jespar about the possibilities of a relationship with him.  Good things ensue.
Relationships: Calia Sakaresh & Prophet | Prophetess, Jespar Dal'Varek/Prophet | Prophetess
Series: Companions and Eventualities [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1809244
Kudos: 7





	Companions and Eventualities 3 -- First Night

Fortunately Jespar eventually apologized to me for what he'd said. I tried to ask if he'd meant it, that he'd have left me for dead... he just said, "Let's not make things awkward, and move on, shall we?" I felt a little irritated that he was going to deflect this, too. This wasn't an idle flirt, this was an actual question about a friendship that I relied on, and had come to question, however briefly.

But things did seem to be easy between us again. We worked well together, as we had before. And, just as before, his actions told me that he did care for me, more than he would apparently admit. And there was enough to do, trying to get ready to depart for the Star City (which was an implausible enough plan, to start with) that it was surprisingly easy to let the past week's events fade into memory.

So it wasn't until we were stuck on the ship for a few days, sailing through the sky, that I had time to pause again and reflect. The night was brilliant with stars, and the green lights that sometimes played across the northern sky above the Frostcliff Mountains seemed closer than usual, with no land between them and us. I stepped out onto the deck, thinking the fresh air would help clear my head, help me think through it all. 

That didn't last long, however -- Calia found me out on the deck, and managed to convince me to come see the remarkable inner workings of the ship. And she was right -- it really was something to see. Even though I relied on the sea of eventualities on a daily basis, I simply could not fathom how the glowing sphere, water, and interior garden somehow kept the ship in the air. No eventuality ever allowed a person to fly... and yet, here we were.

I also had some trouble fathoming the change that had come over my friend. She was almost childlike... but as we sat together at a little campfire in a secluded part of the ship's inner garden, she started to explain how her perspective had shifted, and with all that had happened, I supposed it made sense.

And as we talked, I decided it was a good change. Not an overreaction leading to rash action, but a genuine coming-to-terms with herself, and finding a new way to think about who she was and what her life could look like. And it appeared to be a way of looking at things that would open many doors she'd thought closed to her. I was happy for her.

Eventually, though, I started to feel like I needed to find Jespar. He'd evaded me on the topic before, but given how dire everything was getting, with the Nehrimese siege and the Cleansing imminent, and conditions worsening on the far-below ground of Enderal... it somehow felt more important to me to find out exactly how he did feel about me. The thought of asking again, perhaps even asking point-blank... actually intimidated me a little. I somehow felt he'd just evade me again.

But Calia's change had made me think that maybe this dreamlike voyage above the clouds might make it possible for us to actually talk about it together, honestly. There was something about the experience that just made one feel... speculative. Like the physical distance above everything also gave one perspective on one's own personal feelings.

Calia chuckled. 

"What?" I asked. She said, "I can see you have something else on your mind, Sa'Ira." 

I actually felt my face flush. "Is it that obvious?" She smiled and nodded. She said, "Yes, it is." She stood and offered her hand to help me up. "Especially to those who know you as well as we do."

"Ah," I said, and took her hand, getting up. As we stood together for a moment, I felt a wave of deep appreciation for her. "Calia... Thank you, for your friendship."

She laughed and said, "I was about to say the same." She impulsively pulled me into a tight embrace; I was glad for it, and wrapped my arms around her in return. In some respects, I wished that moment wouldn't end: a moment of optimism, simplicity, and mutual appreciation. But then she murmured to me, "Sa'Ira, thank you, for everything you've done for me, and with me. You mean a lot to me." I nodded into her neck, unable to put my feelings into words. She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek; I kissed her cheek in return (the one without the dark marking, I realized a moment later). A final squeeze, and then she let me go.

"Now get going," Calia told me. "I think you have a lot to talk to him about." I nodded, holding back a mix of grateful and wistful tears, and made my way back up to the deck of the ship, taking care not to attract the Starling's attention as I left the off-limits area.

Of course, Jespar was up at the quarterdeck, leaning out over the railing, gazing off at the dancing lights in the sky and the clouds far below us. Looking speculative, handsome, and both approachable and distant at the same time.

I sighed, took a deep breath, and climbed the stairs to join him. "It's beautiful out here," I said to him.

He looked at me, and I saw a surprisingly unguarded quality in his eyes as he said, "Yes." He held my gaze for a moment before looking back out to the ethereal green lights in the distance. He added, "I'm glad you're here. I was hoping to talk with you."

I chided myself for the little leap my heart made. How had he come to mean this much to me? Well, I told myself, he'd been there for me through many, many struggles. Somehow even if sex or romance wasn't on the menu, I could admit that he was something I'd come to count on, in a life where there was precious little that one could count on. And maybe I wanted intimacy with him, physical and emotional, more than I'd admitted to myself. His cagey responses to my forays in that direction over all these months had just meant that it was never an option, so I hadn't considered my own interest so carefully. But knowing that he wanted to talk to me... that felt like maybe a step in a direction I very much wanted to go... or at least to learn what it was that had been holding him back all this time.

Those thoughts streamed past me in the blink of an eye. I managed to simply say, "What about?" and settle in next to him, leaning on the railing.

He sighed. And then he told me something that really shocked me: that all the events of the last months had changed him. That he had realized that responsibility and happiness weren't in opposition. That real happiness required some kind of connection to something. To a cause, he said... or to a person... and he flicked a glance at me that I thought maybe he was trying to suppress. Still trying to keep those complicated feelings under wraps.

"It kind of feels like I owe this world to be right here, right now. As part of something... momentous. And I like how that feels -- that surprises me." I nodded, and agreed. I said, "I'm glad you're here with us."

He nodded and looked back at me. "No matter how all of this ends, I will have no regrets."

Then he looked down. "And the same goes for our friendship. I'm glad our paths crossed, for whatever reason they did."

This time it was an almost palpable feeling, how he was holding back. "So, it's just friends, is it?" I asked. It wasn't quite as direct as I was thinking I ought to be, but... it was the best I could muster.

Jespar sighed and said, "Well, now you've done it." Then he turned to face me. I could see a deep conflict written in his face. He started to tell me that he felt his views on relationships were unusual, and he wasn't interested in getting involved with me in that way because he was unwilling to risk our friendship.

As I continued to prompt him to explain, it started to make sense to me. He took a position about relationships needing to be free to evolve and change, maybe even end, without forcing them. That he didn't feel it was realistic or desirable to say that one person, even me, would be enough for him forever, that other people would certainly come into his life that he'd have interest in, and it would just be a lie to say that I was the only one for him.

I thought that this must have been what he'd told Lysia, and she'd disagreed with him about, before the bandits had taken her and he had run.

And now he thought that I wouldn't be interested in that kind of open relationship, and so he didn't want to ruin our friendship by trying, by lying to me or himself about how it would go. 

As I pushed him further, it became more and more clear just how much he wanted to, though. And I realized he must have had these feelings for me from the start, or else why would he have deflected my flirtations from the beginning? If he thought we'd just have a quick lay, why not go for it? He must have known he wanted more, but thought there was no way I'd agree to his way of doing things. He must have thought it would go like it had with Lysia.

I considered it for a few moments. How did I feel about what he was saying? It was unusual, sure, but he was saying that he wanted all the things with me that I realized I wanted with him... he was just saying that either of us could pursue others as well, if that was what came up. But that he wanted me to be the one he came back to, in the end. And vice versa. And he was saying that while he wouldn't promise we'd be together forever, he hoped we would be.

He sounded so frustrated, and so... vulnerable. He was telling me what he'd been thinking, all this time. And I found myself thinking that though I'd never quite planned on my primary partnership being like this, the principles had a kind of logic that resonated with me. I wasn't quite sure how it would play out, but... I was game to try it. So I said so.

Jespar's shock was as palpable as his earlier ambivalence. "Really?" He took a deep breath. "I admit, I thought about what you might say, if I explained it all to you, but..." Then he took stock of himself, just as I'd seen him do when shaking off a particularly intense battle, and said, "Why am I still talking?" And with that, he stepped forward, slid a hand behind my head, and leaned in to kiss me in a way that made his feelings utterly clear. I wrapped my arms around him and sunk into the sensations, physical and emotional, of letting all guards down and just being with him.

I don't know how long we stood there on the quarterdeck, exploring what it felt like to express physically these things we'd been feeling all this time, but after a while I started to feel the need for a little more privacy. Last night it had been Magistra Yaela's turn in the captain's quarters, but they'd kept the captain's quarters for me to rest in tonight. Though as Jespar and I made our way there, I thought to myself that I might not be getting all that much rest.

The sex was quite pleasurable. Jespar knew exactly what he wanted, and was quite experienced on the giving end of things as well. I made some attempt to keep my voice down, but there were a few times he caught me by surprise with a particular motion, or did something with his hands or mouth that I hadn't experienced before, and unexpected cries of pleasure escaped me. And I was gratified to have done the same for him a few times, too.

But perhaps even more gratifying was that after we were sated with that activity, we curled up together to fall asleep. And just before I fell totally unconscious, I heard him whisper my name softly. It struck me that he'd really meant what he'd said: that even if he did want the freedom to pursue other people he was attracted to, he wanted very much to come back to me, and for me to come back to him. And that he hoped it would last. I tightened my arms around him as we drifted off to sleep.

When Yaela said the next morning, as we made our late entrance to the main deck of the ship, that it was nice for people to find each other, even in these trying times, I was less embarrassed than I thought I'd be. I heard Jespar respond "I'll drink to that." I smiled at how *him* that was. And as I turned my attention to the spectacular sight we were approaching -- the city in the sky -- I felt that Yaela was right. It felt like just a little bit of a victory against the High Ones. Just like Calia's new outlook on life did -- not everything that was happening was full of horror. And that was the thought that I took with me as we disembarked to the Starling city, ready for the next step in our insane quest.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a moment of sadness here about my decision not to depict the Prophet as any particular gender, because it means this scene couldn't be a whole lot more explicit than it is without specifying anatomy. But I still think it turned out nicely. ;)
> 
> In this scene, as well as the previous two, I've had to resort to a more narrative description of the dialogue with Jespar, because it was hard to find playthroughs of those scenes to check the accuracy and I haven't had time to play the game again to confirm, either.


End file.
